


intertwined

by aleloelo



Category: Haikyuu!!
Genre: Angst, Fluff, M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-05-21
Updated: 2017-05-21
Packaged: 2018-11-03 07:14:33
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings, No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 726
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/10962330
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/aleloelo/pseuds/aleloelo
Summary: inspired by dodie clark's intertwined. enjoy.





	intertwined

“I love you,” I pause, weighing my words carefully, “thank you for loving me, too.”

You nuzzle my shoulder then sigh, “You don’t have to thank me for anything. I love you.” 

I exhale, and let my brain whirr again. I know that you don’t like adding ‘too’ to the end of your ‘I love you’s. You don’t like it because it feels like you’re just returning the statement. You like making the words your own, and as I think about that, my body feels ignited with admiration. I turn my body so I was facing you. I take your hand and press it gently against my lips, “I love you.” 

You gently pat my bare shoulder then you give me the warmest of all the warm smiles, “I love you.”

We lay like this for hours, staring at each other, stark naked, hearing each other’s heartbeats like a song on the radio. 

I was happy. I was so happy that it terrified me. Underneath all the smiles and the love I kept giving to you, I was so afraid that one day you’ll get tired of me. You’ll get tired of taking care of me and helping me feel better. Eventually, you’ll need someone to take care of you, too. One day, you won’t be here with me anymore and I’ll have to face my fears myself. And just like that, I was pushing you away.

I was sobbing and everything was blurry and spinning but I managed to get up, pick up a shirt from the floor and put it on. You call my name but I refuse to let you in. I can’t hear anything now. My fingertips felt numb and cold. You keep pulling me to your chest and stroking my hair so I would calm down but I couldn’t right now and you couldn’t understand that. 

I loved you so much that I wanted you away so I wouldn’t have to deal with all the pain when you’re gone. 

I slam the bathroom door shut and make sure to lock it. I slid down against the door and let out a heart-wrenching sob. What was I doing? Why did I have to make it so difficult for the both of us? We were happy. We were so happy. I felt so angry, my knees were starting to shake. 

You were outside, banging on the door, "Kenma, please. Talk to me. I need you to talk to me." You were crying now, too. Your little head unable to comprehend what was going on with me. I envy you. You were always happy. Always so caring. Always so positive. You only wanted the best for me. But how? How could you wan? the best for me when I don't even want the best for myself. 

"Go away, Shouyou." Every syllable was spat out. It felt so wrong to say. The words tasted so bitter.

"Kenma." Your voice broke. I felt your heart break.

I yelled. I yelled at my reflection. I yelled at the door. I yelled and yelled and yelled until my throat felt like fire, until my lungs felt like they were ripped out from my body.

I just wanted the best for you. But you wanted me even though I'm not the best. What made you want me? What is it that you see in me? Was it the way I ignored everyone? Was it how I buried myself in all my gizmos and gadgets to forget what was happening all around? Was it because I seemed so stoic? What is it?

"Kenma, I love you. I love you so much. Let me hold you, please."

I stood up on wobbly knees. I grasped the cold doorknob and slowly turned. I stared at your feet and just stood still as you crashed into me. I felt so much pain.

"I love you, Kozume Kenma."

I couldn't speak. 

"We should rest. Tell me later, okay?" It still amazed me how you can flick off your emotions like that and just give me what I need. 

I held your hand as you guided me back to my bedroom. We fell back into bed and as I felt your arms wrap around me, and as I heard the gentle thump-thump of your heart, I decided that this is where I wanted to be.


End file.
